I’m pretty terrible at fighting games. I can stand my own against other fallible humans that play occasionally, but then you get those machines that somehow memorized every small detail and every move set of every character.

I think I’ve discussed this before...

Yet for some reason I figured buying Dead or Alive: Dimensions on the Nintendo 3DS would be a good idea. This is one of those games where, if another player doesn’t completely and utterly crush your soul, then the computer will stomp it down into a fine paste. This is the typical pattern of the Dead or Alive franchise, and like some sort of leashed bondage slave I always return for more.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered this game is accessible. It seems that Team Ninja has been working on making their games easier now that Itagaki is gone. First Metroid: Other M is reasonably challenging, and now Dead or Alive: Dimensions offers an easy-by-default story mode with actual instructions on how to perform the more in-depth counters and holds. It actually tries to teach you how to play!

The experience is rather shocking. It’s like remembering some kid from your middle school that dyed his hair black, spiked it, wore Cannibal Corpse t-shirts and called you the cancerous tumor growing upon existence. Then you meet him when he’s in his twenties and finished College and he’s discovered Jesus and hands you a cupcake. For no reason! Just tosses a cupcake in your hands and says he’ll pray about that weed addiction you’re suffering through. That’s what it feels like to play Dead or Alive: Dimensions.

The game hands off a tasty enough cupcake, to be sure, as it feels good to finally understand how the computer has been grabbing your foot and tossing your ass out the window for the past several years. The game does a good job of giving players a chance to practice and learn these abilities that were once known only by the most obsessed masters of the tournament.

Unfortunately, that’s about the best it can do in terms of gameplay. The story mode never really becomes a challenge and is easily beaten with a few hours of time. The only other purpose served is that it summarizes the basic storyline of all four Dead or Alive games in one neat package. It skips over most of the side characters, true, and events aren’t told precisely as they were in the previous games. If you ever wanted to actually understand the plot, however, this game summarizes all the events into an easily comprehensible story.

With that in mind, Dead or Alive: Dimensions is clearly more targeted towards players unfamiliar with the franchise. The plot points and character growth up to this point are listed pretty clearly and advanced techniques are taught gradually and in a more or less laid back difficulty environment. If you’ve never played or been good at Dead or Alive, then this game has you covered.

It wouldn’t be a proper Dead or Alive game if it didn’t have additional modes. There’s a variety of options for players to kill time, from a never-ending arcade mode to survival to challenges. Even here skilled veteran players may found themselves a bit frustrated. Most of these game modes start out with simple difficulties, requiring a player to burn through them until the more difficult survival or challenge modes unlock. Only the arcade mode allows the player to choose what difficulty they desire at any time. This is bound to frustrate those who don’t feel like sinking time into something that’s too easy for them.

The game also offers multiplayer options over Wi-Fi and local connection. Unfortunately, I don’t know anyone else in my immediate vicinity with a 3DS, let alone Dead or Alive: Dimensions. In addition, the 3DS doesn’t want to hook up to my home’s Wi-Fi, and as such I haven’t been online at all. So I cannot comment on how well the game runs online or how fun. I imagine, however, it is the most likely place for a die hard to run into a real challenge.

I can’t really say whether Dead or Alive: Dimensions is worth the forty bucks or not. Your mileage may vary, as is the nature of the fighting genre. It is a good port of the franchise, however, focusing on quick attacks and well-time counters, holds and strikes. It could be that the portable device is the best home for fighting games, however, as it allows anyone to play anywhere. These sorts of games don’t require long periods of immersion. They’re sort of like video game snack food, able to be taken and consumed anywhere.

After having played Dead or Alive: Dimensions, I can easily say I’d rather have that in my 3DS when going out than any other game.