My greatest current frustration is having a buffet of things I wish to do and having no idea what it is I actually want to do. Every evening once I’ve signed off of work I feel myself struck by a sort of paralysis, uncertain how it is I wish to spend my time.

Why not watch something? An anime or a film? I do, after all, need to make sure I have a Silver Screenings column lined up on Monday. If I am spending all of my time watching things, however, I will fail to have sufficient material for GameLog on Fridays. Perhaps I should play a game then instead? Only everything I wish to play I’d also like to record footage of so that I might make a video of it, and my hard drive is low on space until I’ve completed my analysis of Metroid Prime: Echoes. Speaking of, shouldn’t I be editing that?

So I sit down to edit the video, and I feel as if I am letting the blog down.

My hobby has suddenly become an ouroboros, devouring itself so that I have no time for anything. Something must theoretically be sacrificed. By time I’ve sorted out how to spend my free time I have very little of it with which to spend.

There are other obstacles in the way, of course. Exercise, this blasted Nor’easter demanding I step outside to shift snow aside, having to prepare dinner daily, social obligations with friends and family, and perhaps greatest of all a deeper investment into studying my Bible. Each of these shift my attention away from my satisfying hobbies and turn them into a pressure. While I am not necessarily depressed – I’m feeling too energetic for that – I’m at such a stand still that any time I open a Google Doc or Windows Movie Maker I feel immobile.

It’s a new form of lethargy that instead seeks out any other form of activity I can use to distract myself. Fortunately for me, I have made a discovery that only feeds further into my growth as a consumer of games, lightening the pressures of being a critic. Or, as I’ve recently decided to rebrand myself, an essayist.

Perhaps in this very mood, the best thing I can possibly do is find a simple fallback game. In this instance, it was Destiny 2, a game I had cast aside after completing the Curse of Osiris expansion narrative. Like many, I had found myself disappointed. This week, I’ve come to terms with and learned to appreciate Bungie’s methods, as Destiny 2 has evolved into more of a “comfort food” game.

One of the reasons I put the game down was because of the flaccid feeling I felt upon achieving max light level. I had been awarded this highest of rankings by… completing public events. Nothing grand or particularly challenging, just doing one of the most basic and common of functions available every day. It pulled all sense of accomplishment from the task. I had grown frustrated at constantly chasing the carrot to little effect in the original Destiny, but little did I realize that impossible carrot is what kept the game entertaining.

Mere weeks after I struck 300, the Curse of Osiris expansion landed. This is the piece of game I had been craving. There was so much fascinating lore surrounding the damn-near Mythical character of Osiris that I was pleased to finally see something momentous happen in this game. Would he replace the Speaker? Would he reveal new truths about the Traveler at all?

Oh joy. I get to go back to this familiar mess of textures and fight a random assortment of enemies. Again.

The answer was… not really. No. In fact, Osiris doesn’t really matter. We had a collection of missions in which we ran through the same modular expanse of nothing just so we could have a series of optional missions to do the same. Bungie was great with lore, but they had no idea how to keep the promises their very lore made.

Disenchanted I cast the game aside, and as time passed I thought about it less and less. I had enough games to play. I had a video to get editing. I had articles to write and anime to watch. Then I found myself looking at all of the options before me and froze.

“Maybe I should just dive back into Destiny 2,” I asked Steve. My interest in the game had not quite been rekindled, but I hadn’t reached the new light level ceiling and figured I may as well make progress towards it.

The decision was a good one. For two nights Steve and I logged in and did the same activities we always did. We went to familiar planets and performed public events. We completed strikes. We engaged in the remaining Mercury missions and raided lost sectors. I didn’t find something new to love in Destiny 2.

I was, however, able to simply submerge myself in everything that makes Destiny 2 enjoyable.

It is too easy to become fixated on the carrot, and it is too easy to find fault with Destiny 2 when you have a definitive goal in mind. Repeated attempts to conquer the Raid were continually met with frustration and disappointment. Completing the Raid is not where the fun is had.

A.I. that’s challenging and intelligent in all the right ways. A variety of foes within every race. An assortment of weapons that help you find “the perfect set”. A selection of powers that allow players to work together and scrape by any tough situation.

I may not return to playing the game regularly, but Destiny 2 was a perfect game to simply drop back into.

I had said before that I am stepping away from the assumption that I must always play something new and that there is no value in the old. However, I still managed to ignore a variety of evergreen titles at my disposal. I still have Mario Kart 8 Deluxe and Splatoon 2 on my Switch, as well as Destiny 2 on my PS4.

If I ever find myself paralyzed or stuck, then I cannot underestimate the value of evergreen titles. It is always possible to find something new to appreciate or to discover a sight I had previously overlooked. No matter how many hours had been invested, there is always going to be something new to say.

To that end, I hope to rarely ever feel this restless lethargy again.