Before Halo I wasn’t much a fan of first-person shooters. I enjoyed games like Aliens vs. Predator 2 well enough, but primarily due to my love of the franchise. For whatever reason I was under the impression that guns meant no plot and no thought, therefore shooters were like M&M’s for the masses.

It wasn’t until Halo that I got to experience a very different kind of shooter gameplay. Clearing a room of five or six enemies all by yourself was no longer a quick ten-second affair. It required plotting and strategy. Having other soldiers was important. What solidified my love for the franchise further was the atmosphere. Setting the game to Heroic or Legendary difficulty, landing on that beach in Silent Cartographer and charging forward with hot plasma scorching past your head while the dying cries of your comrades surrounded you on all sides really felt like a war.

The concept of tactical shooters is what brought me into the genre. I’ve since grown to enjoy other sub-genres, such as the ridiculous Quake II and the isolationist Half-Life, but what I really crave is a game that makes me feel as if I am on the battlefield. The closer I feel to being there, blood pumping furiously through my veins as I fear for my life, watching comrades fall beside me as enemy fire comes from any and all directions, it just fuels me with a sort of adrenaline that other shooters cannot.

Yet on a day like today I can only wonder if I insult the memory of those that have lived such experiences. This is my final week of leave before my cousin heads back over to the Middle East to complete his second tour of duty. He doesn’t speak much of what he has seen, but I know he’s witnessed horrible things. This war especially is different than any video game will make it seem. After all, gamers want to know what their enemies will look like, and thus it will always remain clear who is the bad guy and who isn’t. Yet in reality they all look the same, and at any moment even a young, innocent looking child can turn around bearing a weapon ready to sacrifice their own life as long as they can take yours.

I’ve wondered many times if I have, or ever had, what it takes to enlist. I imagine I have too many medical conditions for them to accept me anyway. I have a serious case of asthma that requires daily medication, without which I will have extremely bad attacks. I am visually impaired and require glasses. These things can become liabilities out on the field. It is doubtful I would be accepted into service even if I had considered that an option.

I also find it curious that schools focus on getting people into College, but it never seems to mention being a police officer, a firefighter or a soldier as an equally honorable profession. It’s all about going into a University so one day you can earn good money. I imagine that there are political theories as to why it is such a way, but nonetheless it only feeds the assumption that only knuckleheads will take on any of those jobs. The idea that people join because they don’t know what else to do with their lives rather than those that feel they ought to serve their country as their own grand-fathers might have.

Maybe my obsession with these combat games isn’t an insult, then. Maybe my preference for games to require tactics, strategy and quick-thinking rather than one-man-armies accepts that it is a tough job that not just anyone can do. Or maybe it is just allowing me the opportunity to live out what, in truth, I wish I could do if I were a better man. Either way, I certainly don’t love games such as Halo, Call of Duty 4 and Gears of War because of their graphics and “l33t multi”. Granted part of what makes these games so excellent is their gameplay design and, for some cases, the story.

Yet they also appeal to the wannabe-soldier in me. If I was a better man I would be out there on the battlefield with other men and women trying to push back those that would harm others. Doing what I can to make the world a better and safer place. Risking not only my own life, but my own mental and emotional well-being so that my family at home and those in immediate danger within the foreign land I’m in can breath easy another day.

That is, if I were truly strong enough to do such a thing.

I’ve never quite known how I should appropriately celebrate days like this. It seems like nothing would do the memory of soldiers justice. So the best I can offer is my respect and admiration to those that have fought on the front lines, that have had to see the wreckage of homes and lives, that have had to take life while watching friends die, and even those that have needed to make impossible decisions.

This day is dedicated to those that serve and have served. So to all of you out there reading this, do take some time of silence and reflection, especially if you have friends or loved ones in foreign lands fighting today. It’s the least you can do given all that they do for you.