Slow though it may have been, my body had finally healed enough that I could resume progress on recording Rise of the Tomb Raider in September. Sadly, it took nearly half of the month to reach that point, and almost the entire remainder to complete the recording. As I knew it would be, the possibility of releasing the video in September was nil.

I’ll spare you further digressions into the slow progress of a herniated disc healing. I will only assure you that I am back to being capable of sitting more regularly. However, it is still something I need breaks from. I will always have my time set aside to get work done, but I do not wish for this to happen again. I must live a healthier lifestyle, which not only means more exercise and an improved diet, but also more time giving my back a chance to rest.

If only my mind could remain equally still.

If you read Friday’s Ramblings then you’ll know I’ve already chosen a direction of indulgence for the Rise of the Tomb Raider video. It’s a direction I’ve always leaned with RamblePak64, really. While I’ve always tried to structure my videos around a thesis statement, there’s always been an eagerness to discuss certain elements regardless of their relevance. It’s why I took a moment to present my thoughts regarding Dark Samus in my video on Metroid Prime 2: Echoes.

The problem with Rise of the Tomb Raider is that the only thesis I can properly cobble together regards its narrative. If that were to be the only thing I covered it would certainly be a decent video, but I’d always feel as if it were lesser. “Hey guys, here’s a game that tried some stuff and semi-succeeded”. What a waste of time that would ultimately feel like in hindsight.

I’d rather spend my time focusing on how these games fascinate me. I’d rather give a more detailed account of why it is I find such enjoyment in what are otherwise pretty standard AAA product. It would allow me the opportunity to actually express myself in this medium dedicated to nitpicking the creative works of others.

I don’t know what it would take to become more appealing to the crowds on YouTube. I’m becoming more and more adamant that it’s not worth caring what they want, though. Everyone is so focused on animations and professional looking graphical elements, and they want all of these things for free. I’m stuck with a trashy program on a subpar laptop and do not have the personal funds to invest in new equipment in the desperate hope that it will somehow pay off.

This channel needs to be for me. I’ve been so worried about growing it, hoping that more regular updates would see an increase in subscriber and viewer count. All the while YouTube is getting even more vicious about demonetizing and closing completely innocent channels. With one hand they hold out candy, telling the creators not to stress themselves out, to have fun, and how important they are. Behind their back they grip a machete, and any creators deemed unworthy get slaughtered.

I may have once desperately hoped that YouTube could somehow save me from my day job, but no more. I would be trading one set of stresses for another. At least my current way of life affords me a retirement account.

It’s not the ideal life, but this website and my YouTube channel aren’t going to be about pleasing others. They’ll be about satisfying myself. While I will still try to uphold a level of quality – I always want to be improving, after all – I am not going to drive myself into an existential crisis about how worthless I am after worrying so much over whether the script is too boring or not.

I want to promise my Rise of the Tomb Raider video in October, but sadly I know all too well all the things that could go wrong. I can, however, confidently say that my attitude towards discussing whatever I want means it will be all the more easier to structure the script. I’ll be trying to take precautions to avoid the sort of mistakes and oversights I’ve made in past videos, but I will no longer be pulling my hair out wondering if it’s too long, too dull, or too pointless. I know I am at least good enough at this to only write about something I think is interesting.

It’s just a matter of polish after that.

Once I’ve completed the script and recorded the audio I can begin work on recording footage for the next video. I do still find it a shame this isn’t my living, as I can already tell I’ll want to do a follow-up with Shadow of the Tomb Raider. However, I will not be wanting to replay the game so soon after completion. Games are still my leisure time, even if I have turned them into a form of work for myself.

I’ve begun to doubt having time to play through Darksiders and Darksiders II before Darksiders III releases. I’m still uncertain if a comparison of the first two games would make for a worthwhile video. Worse yet, a conversation with a friend of mine has sparked a desire to return to Final Fantasy VI and create a whole video on that.

So what’s the tally now? I Am Setsuna, Akiba’s Beat, Final Fantasy VI, Final Fantasy X, A.I. Characters in Titanfall 2 vs. Infinite Warfare, Wonderful 101, Halo: Combat Evolved, Comparison of Darksiders 1 & 2, Bioshock: Infinite... gosh, I know I’m forgetting a few!

This is nothing to say of new games I play that I then feel inspired to craft a critique on. Marvel’s Spider-Man could no doubt make for a good video, and as I stated, Shadow of the Tomb Raider could do for one as well. Speaking of follow-ups, I certainly would love getting back to Metroid Prime 3: Corruption.

Counting every idea listed in the paragraphs above, that’s about twelve different videos I have bubbling about in my cranium. I think it is completely possible for me to create six videos a year with my current schedule. That means I have two years worth of ideas for videos, and they’re only bound to keep growing.

I’ll have to decide soon what I’m going to do. I desperately want to have – ah, forgot one! Breath of the Wild – another video released this year. I believe I can have a fifth out by December 31st. I’m leaning a certain direction, but for now I’ll keep it in the back of my mind.

I’m sorry to those that do read this website and enjoy my videos that progress is so slow. Hopefully this month’s update shows an energy and passion that will encourage you. It’s certainly encouraging to me, at least.