Uh oh. A column of faith? That can’t be good. Several pages of hot-air proselytizing when all you come for are opinions regarding video games, anime, or film. Guess it’s time to stop following!

Only this isn’t about telling you why I’m right and you’re wrong. I mean, I don’t even know who you are that’s reading this! It’s about finding a way to discuss something important to me. Something important that I’ve continually kept hidden out of fear of judgment. Too much of my life has been spent worrying what others think of me, modifying my behaviors to try and become a person more easily loved.

Some of these adjustments have certainly had benefits. Others have given birth to anxiety, frustration, and even existential crises. I know the manner in which I dissect entertainment is going to have a limited audience, but I still sought to appeal to as broad a group as possible. As such, I began removing bits of myself from my critiques. Effectively, I began to deny myself aspects of what made me who I am, which in turn lied to everyone about who it is they’re reading.

I found myself a new Church, and within that Church I’ve found a lot of motivation and inspiration to work towards a better me. It’s been a struggle, as it has meant denying myself some of the greatest temptations and asking myself if I’m really working towards my purpose in life. In some ways it has made me irritable with family and friends. Social media has become a disease upon my mind and attitude.

These struggles are tough, but they result in a very satisfying test. I’m proving myself stronger than I thought while simultaneously being weaker than I expected. I know where it is I must improve, and no worldly excuses will stop me from fortifying my conviction.

Okay, I’ve been speaking pretty vaguely here, and for a multitude of reasons. Some of these ordeals I’m fighting are personal. Family drama, friction in friendships, or business far removed from the scope of this blog. There’s one that I’ve been struggling with for a long time, and that’s where this blog comes in.

I want to discuss my journey with God. I want to share my thoughts regarding my faith and its philosophy as openly as I’ll talk about my favorite entertainment. I feel the need to do something more than leave it to others to speak for me.

The problem is: who am I speaking for, and how?

This column is the first step to finding out. What matters of faith do I feel comfortable discussing? How out of my depth am I regarding certain categories? Do I want to speak more ponderously or authoritatively? Will the latter sound like I’m just another preacher on the boardwalk condemning all passersby to Hell? Do I want to openly critique the questionable conclusions of other Christians I witness or do I want to portray a united front? Christ did, after all, claim in Matthew 12:25 that a kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation.

“Well,” I think to myself, heading off potential commenters, “that was specifically in the context of the Pharisees accusing Christ of exorcising demons with the power of Sata-”

Look, me, I know what the context was! The principal works the same!

“Yeah, but what if someone comments and-”

Enough! Too anxious am I of people coming in with no greater intention but to nitpick my words and shove me into a corner. In fact, the inability to have civil discussions is precisely why I ought to start this column in the first place.

I cannot lie and claim I have no interest in bringing others to God. At the same time, my interest is not in building strawmen so that I might “win an argument”. I’m not looking to take common complaints or claims and do my best to debunk them. I don’t even know if I have enough knowledge to do such a thing.

I wish instead to publicly put forth reflections, or perhaps concepts that I’m struggling with myself. To take observations from the Sunday sermons and consider how they apply to me.

Another goal is to get practice reinterpreting aspects of secular entertainment through a Christian lens. I’ve thought for a long time of building a website based around Christian response to common media, but I haven’t had a clear idea how to do so. Discovering websites such as Gamechurch and Christ and Pop Culture helped me understand that there’s certainly room for such discussions. Reading the articles within those sites also seems to me to create a sort of distance from the Church, though. At least, a distance from what people think of the Church.

Which is not what I want. Be it in Gamechurch’s proclamations that they’re “not like those other Christians” or in some of Christ and Pop Culture’s more worldly leanings, I’d like a site that interprets secular media but is also accountable for itself.

Being able to draw something positive does not suddenly make some of this media “okay” from a Christian perspective. However, it does not mean the work of man should be outright dismissed, either. In my readings of the Old Testament and my return to the New, I’ve found lessons from my Film Arts class has helped me in reading the works of God more analytically and critically. It is through such readings that I’ve grown to more deeply appreciate God and found myself driven to find a Church again.

God created us in his image, and in that image we ourselves were given the drive and desire to create. Some create through architecture. Others through labors of the land. Still many more do it through engineering or even scientific study. Most commonly we fabricate fictional universes that speak of our personal experiences and interpretations of the world around us. In reading A Hobbit, A Wardrobe, and a Great War by Joseph Laconte, I discovered how works such as The Lord of the Rings and The Chronicles of Narnia were forged not just by Tolkien and Lewis’ Christian beliefs, but by the nightmarish struggles faced in World War I and the cultural cynicism they fought against after.

Our creations are another manner in which we can learn about each other and the human experience. Through intellectual study and analysis of media, it is possible to not only admire the incredible inventive talents inherited from our Creator, but to also better understand how our own minds work. Yes, entertainment can also be cathartic to more primal impulses. It can tempt us into a lethal escapism that plays into our idle fantasies. If you were to ask me if there is anything redeemable from a Godly perspective in DOOM, I’d have to honestly answer with “no”. It has a lot of wonderful design concepts that completely rely on the most intrusive and violent dismembering of your foes.

I am not about to condemn anyone for enjoying it, though. That would make me a hypocrite. If Christians aren’t in the world understanding and learning the ways of the secular, however, then how can they hope to be heard? Most Christian film and media pats itself on the back, congratulating itself for having the answer that all those sinners do not. Viewers feel good for having their faith validated in a film or book. None of it seeks to speak out to those that need to hear the word, and if it tries it fails to understand the most basic of counter-arguments the world will have prepared.

I wish for more works like The Lord of the Rings. I wish to write a story that can even be a fifth as good one day. As such, I will continue to study and dissect secular works as I do today. I will also begin to view more Christian film as it pops up on services like Netflix. Most of all, in addition to my personal journey, I will also be taking entertainment I’ve enjoyed in the past and drawing lessons that can apply to the Christian lifestyle.

If that worries you, then find some relief in knowing I will leave this content to my Sunday column for now. While my goal is to one day create a website with this content daily, I don’t think I’m in a position of strong enough authority to write such essays on the regular. I would also admit to a feeling of guilt or betrayal, as many of my readers did not begin following me for such readings. My regular weekly columns and content will be kept secular.

Even so, if you are so offended by my admission of faith, then I am sorry. It disappoints me to know that speaking my belief is enough to cause offense, but such is the way of the world. To all that remain, well…

I pray that I can continue to write essays worth reading, regardless of the topic.