A few weeks ago I had gotten pretty sick. Not sick enough that I was slowly dying, but sick enough that going to work was a bad idea. I had to take three days off of work, something I was planning to do March 10th through 14th. However I’m new to this job and taking so many days off so close to each other just seemed like a bad idea. I cursed fate and resigned myself to the fact that, despite getting my 3-Day Pass in the mail, I wouldn’t be going. It was just as well. I didn’t really have a Hotel room booked and I didn’t have a co-pilot for the trip up to Boston, and I’ve never driven such a distance before solo.

On Friday, March 11th, something amazing happened. Flipping my work calendar I bore witness to an excited scrawling from weeks prior. “PAX East Day One” I had wrote. It filled me with melancholy, and as most people with self-esteem issues do I spilled my unhappiness into the world of Facebook. To make a long story short, rather than friends sympathizing with me they convinced me to take a train and go on an adventure to Boston. I’ve never been so spontaneous before. The extent of my impulses pretty much ends at “random video game purchase”. I was the one always trying to talk sense into my friends and get them to think practically.

That day I forsook my timid nature and cast on the wings of freedom. I only had a half-day for work anyway, so I headed home, packed, shaved and headed for the train station.

My PAX East adventure had begun.

Friday

I forgot my belt, Q-Tips and pomade. I thought I had done so well this time, but as is my usual style I forgot something for the trip. The belt I could survive without. I merely use it to prevent showing off some plumber butt to the world. Q-Tips were more important, but being unable to clean my ears after two nights was a sacrifice I could make. The loss of pomade is what truly frustrated me.

See, I’m Italian. The hair of an Italian is an untamed creature that just likes to frizz out and stretch its lengthy tendrils in all directions. One cannot cage the hair of an Italian, for it carries the spirit of those it comes from. That of the God Damn Sexual Tyrannosaurus. Only pomade can keep it calm enough to look less wild and more sexy. The loss of pomade was a great risk, and harm could have been done were it not for my haircut being so annoyingly (but in this case conveniently) short.

…oh, right, PAX.

While PAX was going on for tens of thousands of others I was stuck on a train passing through five East Coast states in a six hour journey. The most interesting thing that happened was stumbling upon Silent Hill, which apparently encompasses the entire state of Rhode Island. Eerie gray fog blanketed the surrounding world for miles and miles and didn’t really clear up until we crossed the border into Massachusetts. My only companions for the ride were my Poke`mon, all of whom needed to grind up some levels anyway.

By time I arrived in Boston the sun had set and the night life had arisen. Well, except for my friends crashed in their Hotel room. They were fortunate enough to give me shelter each time I had to return and recover my lost hit points. By time I was getting ready to hit up the convention center it was nearing 9pm.

Let me tell you something about conventions. As soon as people know you are going to the same event, they are automatically friendly and cheerful. It’s like everyone finally understood the gist of what Jesus was saying and acted in the interests of one loving community rather than a mass of self-serving pricks. When I and a few others discovered that the shuttle bus was no longer returning to the convention center until late at night, we decided to just split a cab. No discomfort, no shy attitudes, just joyful comradery.

In retrospect, I feel bad that the second I stepped out of the cab I went on my merry way.

Now every convention is going to have its fair share of problems. It’s just really bad when making heads or tails of the map is one of them. It should be instinctive and I should immediately know where it is I’m going. The lobby of the convention center should be at the bottom of a map, and everything should be in relation to that. The main entrance may be on the West end of the convention center, but it will make more sense to construct the map in relation to where the entrance is. Start from the bottom and go up.

This is not how it was built, so when I first looked at the map I thought I was supposed to go the opposite direction as intended. I looked around for signs or indications as to where I ought to go, but the most helpful signs were the default ones for the convention center. Which is nice, technically, except it doesn’t really help if I don’t know what “Exhibition Hall A” is. My perusal through the show booklet and schedule didn’t seem to yield such information either, and if it did it was not labeled in an obvious spot.

The only advantage to finding your way was that the convention center was pretty much built in rectangles. Walk in a circle on each floor and eventually you’ll reach your destination. That is, assuming you want to walk that much. The convention center was huge.

Nonetheless, I eventually found one of my friends at the Main Theater where I found myself becoming an audience member of the Protomen concert. I’ve heard the band before, and personally they aren’t my thing. Nonetheless, as long as the music is tolerable it is easy to have fun at a live show. The Protomen definitely succeeded there. Their act was cheesy, corny and campy as Hell, but when everyone else in the room knows it then it just becomes another joke that you’re all in on. It’s a sort of bond, really.

This was pretty much the highlight of my night, as it turned out. I joined my friend Andrew Kane, a developer over at Riot Games (members of the League of Legends community may know him as Codemaster) to grab dinner and then head off to have some fun. Dinner kept on being post-poned until a large party was formed to journey to the dungeon to rescue the princess…erm, to head off to the SFX360 Gamers Gone Wild party. None of us knew what it was or what there would be. Could be we’d see some boobs. Could be we’d see some man boobs. We prayed to God we wouldn’t see man junk.

Before this trip, I thought Boston was an awesome and great city. Maybe it’s because I wasn’t used to Philadelphia yet, or maybe it’s because I didn’t walk around as much of the city last time. But I certainly know now that Boston has its problems. For one, traffic lights and pedestrian lights are not synchronized very well, nor are they consistent.

In Philadelphia, when a sign goes from “Walk” to “Don’t Walk”, the orange hand will flash and a countdown will appear beside it. Once that countdown reaches 0, the accompanying traffic light for cars driving parallel to the pedestrians turns yellow. It is quick to learn how the system works, and anyone walking anywhere can soon easily predict traffic patterns and when it is and isn’t safe to cross the street. The only inconsistency is how long the “Don’t Walk” countdown will last, but the pedestrian is always given constant feedback.

Boston is complete chaos, anarchy and malarkey. Some streets won’t let pedestrians walk until both street lights are red, which just increases everyone’s wait time. The “Don’t Walk” lights sometimes have countdowns, but they rarely, if ever, coincide with the corresponding traffic light. Most signs will just flash an orange hand at you with no indication of how long you have before they unleash the cars to run your ass over.

Needless to say, I was not a fan of traveling through Boston to hit up this party. Halfway through our quest we ran into another band of adventurers, the mirth torn from their souls. The Gamers Gone Wild party was a bust, they told us, charging $10 for a single drink and turning back anyone wearing shorts. “What sort of person would wear shorts in 30 degree weather?” you might ask. You must remember that I’m talking about nerds, here, and common laws of fashion sense and practicality do not apply.

There was also a confirmation that there were strippers at the party, though they had been “hidden away” somehow. My moral compass went a bit haywire here, but despite the warnings it seemed this news pushed everyone else onward. When we finally reached our destination, well…

“Fuck that shit.” I turned around ready to leave, as did my compatriots. There was no way I would struggle to get into some club full of bad music and women dressed like skanks. It turns out that the SFX360 crew had two floors rented out, but the rest of the club slowly trickled its way up until it had fully invaded all the floors. The event was pretty much ruined, assuming it was any good at all.

After conferring a bit and increasing our party numbers, my cohorts and I chose to look elsewhere.

Let me tell you something else about Boston. They don’t believe hunger exists after 11pm on a Friday night. Thirst? Drunken debauchery? Sure. But food? Nay. All the kitchens close and doors lock up, and anyone yearning to consume is out of luck. Not even a single diner in a one mile radius of the convention center. This is a major city, bound to have a sprawling night life full of insomniacs. At least have the decency to run a 24-Hour IHOP.

Well past midnight I finally decided to call it quits. A six-hour train ride earned me entry into a good concert and a couple hours of searching for food. I went to sleep hungry that night, cursing Boston for being such a crappy city.

Saturday

Boston redeemed itself Sunday morning. Across the street from the Intercontinental on Atlantic Ave. and by the Fire House is a breakfast place with great prices and excellent food. In fact, I don’t know the last time I went to any sort of restaurant or diner and got a breakfast where everything was so good. The only thing missing was scrapple.

Many have said to avoid the panels at PAX East, but to me panels are part of the entertainment. Unfortunately, everything comes at the cost of something else. If you want to see all the panels then you miss out on the Expo Hall and more social gaming rooms (both console, computer and tabletop). If you choose to stick to the social gaming rooms you never see the upcoming titles or see any panels. If you stick to the Expo Hall then you get a sense of what E3 is like, missing out on everything else. Even if you choose just one type of activity to stick with you are unlikely to see all that one activity has to offer. This is especially true in panels, where three different exhibits may be running simultaneously.

The only way to see everything at PAX is if they stretch it out to be a week long, and who has that kind of time? Or energy, for that matter?

So I selected a small number of must-see panels and lined up. My first experience was at the Wyvern Theater, where the line-up was forming at a most unusual location. Instead of forcing convention attendees to line up in the hallway, they placed them inside of a smaller adjacent room and had them zig-zag around to form a tightly coiled line. Sort of like a human snake, or worm.

In truth, it is a genuinely great idea. One of the major issues of large conventions isn’t merely the length of lines, but their tendency to block the passages to other panels or even overlap. By placing lines inside of big empty rooms they manage to keep traffic clear.

It is also easier to socialize in such groups. Instead of being limited to whoever is directly next to you, there are fellow gamers gathered in all directions with which you can chat.

Too bad my own personal social phobias overcame me. Even when I’m surrounded by fellow nerds I feel as if any word, any gesture in their direction is an interruption of their valuable time. As a result, most of my interactions were greatly limited and I made few friends.

The first panel of the weekend I attended was “Just Because You Have An Idea, You Are Not a Game Designer”. It was certainly fun and educational, but the one aspect of it that got me was the use of Twitter for questions. Instead of having attendees line up at the microphones they had the audience use Twitter to tweet a question with the topic #paxdesign to filter them. Anyone that didn’t have a Twitter account or compatible phone could fill out an index card and hand the question off.

This was not only effective in addressing the most interesting questions, but forced the questions to be concise. Later panels I visited fell victim from verbose questions, audience members that struggled to get to their point (assuming they had one) and the occasional gagster. In contrast, the “Just Because You Have An Idea, You Are Not a Designer” panel moved at a steady pace and addressed the best questions to be the most informative.

I was originally planning on checking out the live RAGE demonstration, but I became too absorbed in the Expo Hall. I was shocked at the sheer number of games present, particularly major AAA titles. Rockstar was there showing off L.A. Noire, Gearbox had Duke Nukem Forever on display, the new Red Faction could be played, it was a complete sensory overload.

Naturally, the first game I went searching for was Earth Defense Force: Insect Armageddon.

Nothing really could have prepared me for the feeling of meeting people at PAX East. Growing up in South Jersey and attending school in Rochester, NY, you never really get to meet any major member of any entertainment industry. The game conventions VGXPO and GameX were littered with indie developers whom no one had heard of. The biggest stars were two of the actors from Clerks that haven’t really touched mainstream media since then.

So when I turned and saw Tim Fucking Schaeffer, well, I had no clue what to do or say. I always imagined I’d be calm and collected when meeting anyone “famous” (in the grand scheme of things, most of the people I adore aren’t famous in the traditional sense, but they’re famous enough to me), but I struggled to think of something to tell Tim as I shook his hand.

“Was the decision to start doing smaller games a result of poor sales of Psychonauts and Brutal Legend?”

Yeah, that was an excellent thing to ask. “No one likes your games. Is that why you’re making cheaper games that more people can continue to not like?”

In some ways it’s better to not know who the developer is. Those faces that are behind closed doors or you’re just not too familiar with. My best conversations at the Hall were with one of the developers at Moonshot Games, developer of Fallen Frontier, and who I think was the lead designer on Double Fine’s next game Trenched. These were just fun, and if anything made me long to stick around and talk more with these guys about games in general. Unfortunately, there was more of the show floor to see and games to play.

A most valuable lesson was the need to have a voice recorder for taking notes while gaming. I’ve forgotten half of the poor design choices in Hunted: The Demon’s Forge by now, something I could use for my eventual write-up later. It also helps because there’s so much going on that the memory easily becomes a blur. I wonder if the sheer volume of lights and noise stimulate the brain to a point where it can’t differentiate the moments in memory. Or something like that. All I know is I remember the emotions better than the events.

The next panel I hit was the Females on Females panel headed up by The Escapist editor Susan Arendt. The line for this one became really long, and was the only panel I saw become a fully packed house. I’m curious how the later panel, “The Other ‘Us’”, went. It was another panel focusing on females in the industry, but the line-up of panelists was quite different. I’m curious if the subject matter is what drew the attention or the names attached.

It was also one of the two best panels I got to see at the show. I’ve grown rather weary of hearing all of these female journalists sell themselves on the fact that they are girls, but this here was an excellent presentation where the panelists were defined by their intelligence, not their gender. It was refreshing, and it was one of those panels that I yearned to actually get involved in a discussion with those holding it.

The only problem with the panel was the audience members asking questions. Many of the questions were excellent! Others were absolutely terrible, and you could even see on the faces of the panelists the confusion and shrinking patience.

The truly unexpected boon was spotting one of my favorite games writers Shamus Young. Remember how I reacted poorly to Tim Schaeffer? I was like an overly excited school girl when I spotted Shamus and got to shake his hand. The effect was only amplified when he actually recognized my name from the comments of his site. I started to vomit words into the air, and I can’t even recall half of what I tried to mention or discuss with him. I just started talking and talking and was deafened by excitement.

I am a giddy little school girl, it turns out.

I had to part ways, unfortunately (for me, at least), as the staff were kicking people out of the room and I had an appointment. The folks over at Gamers With Jobs were having a meet-up, and I didn’t want to be late. After trying to decipher directions and a map from my smart phone I discovered the location across the street…only to find that the location moved. Another moment wandering around checking my smart phone and I was brought to Tamo’s, a bar inside the Seaport Hotel.

We had taken over, I’m pretty sure. Flick a rock or blow a spit ball and you’d hit a “Goodjer” in the crowd. I smiled, ready to greet some folks…until I realized I had no idea what anyone looked like, and even then I recognize most of the folks there from avatars rather than screen names.

Uh oh.

Click for full size panoramic view of the GWJ meet-up.

Despite all my social discomforts I quickly fell into a comfortable groove. These weren’t just gamers, they were gamers with jobs. They actually write well and use proper rules of punctuation and grammar (sort of). Sitting down with them to discuss games was different than any other stranger at the convention. Everything was stimulating, everything was fun, and the speed at which the sun descended upon Boston was startling.

Tamo’s also serves a pretty awesome pizza, despite costing $14 (better than a $14 burger and fries, though).

Yet all good things must come to an end, and as the evening continued we had to disperse. I traveled off for the final events of the day.

I’ve never played a Twisted Pixel game. They’ve always seemed interesting and had style, but they’ve lacked some special sort of something to encourage me to play. I’m particularly interested in their Kinect game The Gunstringer. Still, I attended their panel with a slight expectation to be some sort of outside invader.

Twisted Pixel’s Variety Hour was incredible. If Penny Arcade releases a PAX video with that panel on it, I’d be tempted to purchase. The developers from Twisted Pixel clearly love what they do, but more so they love their fans just as much. They threw swag and plush dolls out to the crowd, got them involved in some audio recording, provided prizes and entertained with a number of hilarious videos and footage of their new game Ms. ‘Splosion Man.

From the authors of Grandma’s Dead…

On an intellectual level, the Females on Females panel was the best I experienced that weekend. On a level of pure fun, Twisted Pixel’s Variety Hour takes the cake. Anything they do in the future has now become priority one.

I was growing a bit weary by time the panel concluded, yet I had one more destination. I had never really seen Loading Ready Run on The Escapist, but I decided a late night screening would be a great way to close out the day. Calm, relaxed, and potentially a good place to meet like-minded geeks, nerds and cohorts.

If only I had more courage that day. I stumbled upon Susan Arendt after walking in and searching for a seat, congratulating her on the excellent job she did with the panel and spoke with her a bit about it. As is always the case, time was short and she had to go elsewhere. Then I spotted yet another of my game writing idols.

MovieBob!

He was surrounded. This wasn’t like Susan Arendt or Shamus Young, where they were just hanging around or casually wandering somewhere. He looked like some sort of Geek Christ figure preaching the ways of Nerd-dom as according to the books of Kirk and Picard. Sudden memories of College flooded back to me, where I bore witness to crowds of guys circling around one, two or, if lucky, three girls, necks sticking out like peacocks begging for attention.

I wanted to talk with MovieBob. I wanted to discuss…something! Yet all I could think of was a photo opportuni-HOLY CRAP SHAMUS YOUNG AGAIN!

Before and after the photo MovieBob complimented me on my Godzilla shirt. I wanted to melt. I wanted to say something. Now that I’m writing this I should have brought up the Legendary Pictures “reboot/remake” that they might be screwing up. Yet I could only slink away. I thought “maybe once things have calmed a bit and the screening is over I can ask to buy him a drink, sit down and talk with him about cool shit”.

He never stopped being surrounded, and next I knew Shamus Young, Susan Arendt and MovieBob had all snuck away after going outside for photo opportunities.

It had been a good day, a spectacular day, yet I felt like a failure. My chance to actually hold conversation with some of my heroes, people whose writing prowess surpassed mine, people whom I’ve dreamt of sitting in a diner conversing with, and they were all gone.

Dejected, I slunk back to the Hotel, putting an end to the second day of PAX.

Sunday

It is probably a good idea to plan your event on a weekend without daylight savings time, or to at least open and close everything an hour later than usual. When I first awoke and looked at my phone I thought I was making good time. Then I realized the stupid thing didn’t update and it was actually 9am and I still needed a shower and breakfast.

Too bad Boston wasn’t quite awake yet. We tried to hit up the same place for breakfast as Saturday and it was closed until the afternoon. It looked like most places were in such condition. I guess I can understand a city having places closed on Sunday morning better than closing nearly everything at 11pm on a Friday or Saturday, but it is still incredibly inconvenient. In one short weekend Boston had incurred my wrath numerous times.

Damn you, Boston.

By time breakfast was over and I was ready to hit up the convention center, bearing my duffel bag with me as I wouldn’t have time to return to the hotel to retrieve it before I had to catch the train, it was almost noon. I decided to forego any panels except one, heading for the Expo Hall instead…right after I deliver the hotel key to my friend.

It turns out this delightful distraction brought me in the presence of Adam Sessler of G4TV, a television station allegedly designed by and for the interests of those who play video games. For the most part I can’t stand anything about G4, but I’ve always liked Adam Sessler. So I took his hand in mine and said “Hey Adam Sessler! Just wanted to let you know you’re the only part about G4 I respect”.

In hindsight, I’ve probably screwed any chances I could ever have had working for G4.

Most people will tell you that the convention lines on Sunday die down, and if there’s any particular thing you’re looking to see it is the best time to try. This is what I heard folks saying about trying to see Duke Nukem Forever, L.A. Noire or The Darkness 2.

“How long is the wait for L.A. Noire?”
“About two hours.”

“How long is the wait for Duke Nukem Forever?”
“About three hours.”

“How long is the wait for The Dar-y’know what? Nevermind.”

Same as the day before I went on a hunt for games that people didn’t seem to care about. I wanted to minimize the time I spent in line, after all. So while I got to try a few games like Homefront, RISK Factions and finally got my hands on Dishwasher: Vampire Smile, the real treat was in the Nintendo 3DS.

Like any other line, the one for the 3DS was pretty long. This was deceiving, for the wait was only around fifteen to twenty minutes at any given time. One single line with a relatively short wait gained entry to what was literally a buffet of games. It looked like a lot of cramped bodies, but every time I finished one game another had opened up. The only title that was crowded was Ocarina of Time 3DS, which I promptly ignored since I’ve played the game already.

I also got one of them beanie hats for free. For fifteen minutes of waiting the 3DS line was awfully sweet. I just wish I knew what to do with the beanie thing.

The final panel of the day was “So I Still Have This Website…”, which was technically about being a Community Manager. I shirked such restrictions and went to hear anything I might be able to apply to GamerTagged. It was also the only time I actually stepped up to the microphone to ask a question (first, in fact!) and my prize was a Halo: Reach Defiant Map pack code (which is now being used for a contest on GameKrib). Talk about a sweet deal, and a positive end to the convention.

So I grabbed my bag, grabbed a taxi, and stepped into the train station to head back home…

…and discover my train ticket was actually for Saturday.

Final Word

I do wish more events like this happened despite the cost, especially open to the gaming public. A lot of people marvel that the PAX East numbers reach such a high population of attendees, but I find it to be no surprise at all. Anyone on the West Coast has events like E3 and GDC to attend at any time of the year. PAX West likely seems incredibly toned down to the developer presence at the other two events. But the East Coast has nothing. In 2009 I was fortunate enough to see VGXPO and GameX in Philadelphia, but developers didn’t really come in to showcase their stuff. As a result, attendance was poor. Gamers want something big.

I’m hoping PAX East is the start of it, though part of its success is bound to be a result of all the studios in Boston. With that in mind, the next best location would likely be Raleigh, NC. After all, it is the home of studios like Epic Games and media site The Escapist. It takes risk, though, since Penny Arcade can only run so many events on their own.

Once a year is far too few a number of times to experience such an incredible event.

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